Dysphoria

This narrative is comprised of self-portraits. When I created this series, it was a fictional narrative following the gender dysphoria of a trans person. Since creating this series, its concept and meaning have been reshaped as I go through my journey of who I am and my relationship to sexual orientation, gender, and clothing.

The series for me now reads so true to who I was at the time of photographing it - though I thought I was just capturing someone else’s story through photographs.

I depict a dream sequence. I wake up and prepare for my day in clothes that make me feel joyous about myself and my appearance. The journey I get to take of getting dressed and playing with makeup every day is my favorite pastime - there’s so much room for exploration and creation, thousands of possibilities and outcomes as I pair clothing items together, and an infinite world when it comes to the artistry of makeup. Just as the final touches come together as I slip on my heels, everything stops. I awake once more to realize that my euphoric morning routine was all but a dream. And the unsettling truth of my reality sets in as I remember that dressing the way I want to comes with fear of my world around me - Will I be accepted if I look this way? Will I be looked down upon by strangers, peers, friends, and family? Will I be yelled at, called slurs, emotionally torn down, or worse, physically injured or harmed?